Sunday, August 16, 2009

How Important is Friendship?

I had an interesting talk with my brother-in-law today, a guy I respect very much for making it through the relationship and life struggles that many guys today go through. He was asking me how my life was going and asking what my relationship status was, which is a very common occurrence in my family. You see my family members have all been married by age 21. I'm a 27 year old guy who's only really been in love once, been in bad relationships a few times and casually dated a lot. So I'm kind of the black sheep of the family. Can you imagine ... not being married at 27? Yeah to most people they say ... "Whatever that's normal." But to a tight knit family? Yeah ... I'm weird.

Anyways before I get too far off the subject my brother-in-law Ryan was asking where I was at in life and I started telling him about my friend Terri who I've been hanging out with for about two months now. He wanted to know how that had been going. Well I tell him that I think she has feelings for me and wanted to take it to the next level but she has never come out and said anything directly and I'm afraid of what would happen if she did. I'm afraid that she wouldn't like my answer and our friendship would be lost. You see Terri has always dropped hints by telling me that she's never met anyone quite like me and that she doesn't know what she'd do without me. I usually end up changing the subject. But it has come up frequently and she once asked me what I required in a girlfriend.

Religion is very important in my family. So I require that to match up with whomever I date. Terri is an atheist. She says I believe in fairy tales. Well if I have kids one day I'll be teaching them religion and I don't need somebody else telling them it's make believe.

Sex drive. Terri has a very low ... almost non-existent sex drive. She's told me personally that she doesn't really like it. I have a very high sex drive. When I'm in a relationship I like to be physically intimate with my partner frequently. And I don't like to feel like I'm forcing it on them so I look for a person that has a similar sex drive. I've seen enough relationships sour because one person wants to be more physical than the other.

X-Factor. X-factor is that unexplained spark that you have when you are attracted to a woman and you just can't get your mind off of them. Something that drives you to want to be near them and talk to them all the time. That 'I can't stop thinking about you' spark. That 'I don't want to be near anybody else' spark.

Ryan wanted to know if we had been on any dates at all and I told him no. You see a few months ago I decided to stop casually dating off the bat and start seeing every woman I met as a friend first. Baby steps. I figured going out with a girl the first few times under a friend status might be a good approach since the way I had taken things before hadn't worked. I met better girls and I was able to weed out the ones that weren't worth my time. Starting out things as friends helped remove the love expectations that dating sometimes yield. I threw those off and realized most of the girls I might have gone on dates with before I could avoid because I could already tell that we weren't compatible. I realized the friendships with girls was vastly improving my relationships with women because I got all the positives of being friends and none of the negatives of failed relationships and bad break ups. And it never hurt to be the sweet guy that they want to introduce to their friends.

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