Sunday, September 6, 2009

Guy Talk

Dear Boy Next Door,

Am I wasting my time with a girl (who I've been with for awhile) who acts kinda embarrassed of me? Like I love her but she won't go out with me on the town or invite me out when she goes with her girls anymore. She only wants to stay in. I just don't get it. I can't get myself settled and happy with me but not sure if me and her make everything feel right. I'm just feeling really unsure where my life is going.

Feeling lost,


Wow! My first email and it's a deep one! First I'm flattered that you trusted me enough with this question. Let me do my best to help you.

Unless there is a particularly bad quality about you that she finds unsettling than there is no reason for her to justify this treatment of you. Your interests, mannerisms and hobbies are all things that feed into your personality, charm and charisma. It's what makes you you. And if it's a particular point from those that she doesn't like than she has a problem with you and you should never ever compromise the person you are inside for another. You may just have to consider that she isn't the right girl for you. You may have good chemistry but that doesn't always translate into a perfect match. Also it sounds like you are falling into a dangerous comfort zone with her. It makes people afraid of leaving the other because things are easy and familiar. But it also makes it extremely difficult to work on yourself and give yourself time some true 'you' time.

These are just some things to consider. Also, maybe there are things going on in her life that you just aren't aware of right now that is causing her to act this way. Before any rash decisions are made you should make your feelings known to her and talk to her about things. It it's unresolvable just move on and take care of yourself.

Here's to finding yourself!

-The Boy Next Door


  1. I've been having a relationship with a guy for the past two years. We visited my parents every week and my whole family knew and loved him, and after about one year, I moved in with him. We never fight, he's a great guy, but he keeps dragging things. I turned 29 a month ago and I tried to ask him about the future, you know... I wouldn't have, but every single person I meet keeps asking me if we've set the date for the wedding, and it was driving me crazy. So he kept talking about his future, his apartment, his job, his plans. Not ours. Turns out he's not ready to get serious. But he doesn't want to let me go. So I decided to go out on my own, I never go out with him anymore, or if he asks me out, I always say I'd rather we stayed in... I don't invite him to visit my family anymore, because it is just embarassing for me. Surprisingly, he doesn't seem to realize all this. So I'm in a dangerous zone right now. Laura, Europe

  2. It sounds to me like this guy has a serious fear of commitment. He has feelings for you but is afraid to take the next step. He doesn't want to lose what you have but he just doesn't realize the limbo is killing the relationship. I think you need to give him an ultimatum: Take the next step or call it quits. You need someone to take charge and he might not be ready to commit. Maybe he grew up in a bad family situation and is afraid to fall in the foot steps. Either way it doesn't sound like the first action is going to come from him so it needs to come from you. Good Luck!