Chivalry

A talk with my Jason the other day yielded to a topic of chivalry. For some reason he seems to think chivalry is a fading art, fast falling into the depths of old world. In his perfect world he would have been alive during the 40's and 50's when being a gentleman and being chivalrous were expected and admired. Today's world you just don't see enough of a guy who can be a Man's man and still be a Chivalrous man. As Jason put it "If chivalry is dead then feminism killed it." Well put. Maybe not entirely accurate but I'm sure a large part of it is brought on by the feminist movement. But does that mean we should just give up on being a gentleman? I tend to refer to the way my mother brought me up. Respect everyone. Look out for your women (by your women she meant Sisters, Aunts, Grandmothers, Friends). So how does a guy be chivalrous in today's world of equality?

Well to start you need to understand what chivalry is. It isn't just looking upon women as a weaker sex and babying them every chance you get. No, chivalry started way before our time and was popularized in Medieval days when Knights roamed the European lands. To be a Knight meant certain things were expected of you. You were required to be merciful, protect the weak, be brave and courageous, fair to all, and show gentleness and graciousness to all women. Knights would create codes of conduct and follow them very seriously so as to not bring dishonor to themselves. The code of Knighthood and their chivalrous conduct was geared around being a good and honorable person.

In today's society we view chivalry as a way of treating women when in fact its actually just good manners. There are a few rules that apply solely to women but most of them are something that most of our parents taught us when we were younger about how to act.

Some of the ways to be chivalrous today include:

-Holding the door open
-Pulling out a chair
-Ordering her food
-Giving her your jacket or just helping her with her jacket on and off
-Carrying something heavy for her
-Giving her your umbrella
-Giving her your cab
-Pumping her gas
-Standing up when a woman enters a room to join your company
-Letting a woman go first when entering a room
-Paying on a date
-Sending her flowers
-Call when you say you will
-Give up your seat for a woman or the elderly who is standing
-Removing your hat indoors
-Offer her a tissue (your handkerchief) if she needs one.
-Never spitting in her presence
-When walking, walk on the side towards the road, between her and traffic

Ladies, we understand that over the last 100 years or so you have fought very hard for your equality. That doesn't mean you can't allow us to take a masculine role and be gentleman. Allowing us to take a masculine role in no way shape or form implies that we take a dominant role and that you are forced into a weaker one. It just means you allow us to make that courteous gesture. Allow us to act like gentlemen without repercussion of getting called a jerk for not treating you as equals. Besides, as Jason put it, "When this girl wouldn't let me open her door or pull her chair out for her it was a huge turn off!"

I would hold a door open for a man just as I would a woman. When a guy does that for you it may not just mean he's thinking you as weaker or unable to perform tasks for yourself. It just means he is being respectful to women and placing another before himself. It has zero undertones of viewing you as the weaker sex. So don't let chivalry die. Embrace it. Allow a guy the chance to be a gentleman. We can't do it without you.

Guy Talk

Dear Boy Next Door,

Am I wasting my time with a girl (who I've been with for awhile) who acts kinda embarrassed of me? Like I love her but she won't go out with me on the town or invite me out when she goes with her girls anymore. She only wants to stay in. I just don't get it. I can't get myself settled and happy with me but not sure if me and her make everything feel right. I'm just feeling really unsure where my life is going.

Feeling lost,

Tim

Wow! My first email and it's a deep one! First I'm flattered that you trusted me enough with this question. Let me do my best to help you.

Unless there is a particularly bad quality about you that she finds unsettling than there is no reason for her to justify this treatment of you. Your interests, mannerisms and hobbies are all things that feed into your personality, charm and charisma. It's what makes you you. And if it's a particular point from those that she doesn't like than she has a problem with you and you should never ever compromise the person you are inside for another. You may just have to consider that she isn't the right girl for you. You may have good chemistry but that doesn't always translate into a perfect match. Also it sounds like you are falling into a dangerous comfort zone with her. It makes people afraid of leaving the other because things are easy and familiar. But it also makes it extremely difficult to work on yourself and give yourself time some true 'you' time.

These are just some things to consider. Also, maybe there are things going on in her life that you just aren't aware of right now that is causing her to act this way. Before any rash decisions are made you should make your feelings known to her and talk to her about things. It it's unresolvable just move on and take care of yourself.

Here's to finding yourself!

-The Boy Next Door